theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
