Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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