I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
