Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize