saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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