i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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