I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
