My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
