it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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