I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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