Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
