Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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