so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think people are normalizing furries
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
