Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
