Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You need a sexual gate keeper
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
