I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
