Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
