Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
