If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize