my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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