overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
