When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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