how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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