i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize