when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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