I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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