I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think i have two assholes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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