Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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