Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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