He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
