Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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