just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize