I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
