yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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