im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
