i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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