Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
