I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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