this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
