sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Operation Purity has been aborted
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
