One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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