Will you blow on my dice?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
