I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
