if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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