Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
