Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize