he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
