I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
