My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
