isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
