Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
