I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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