My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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