You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
