Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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