the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
