Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
