Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize