mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
