Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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