Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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