I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize