Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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