Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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