belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize