I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
